Tip #2 DMs and Players... Sex and Relationship Weirdness

 I really should not have to make this a tip, but over the years I have seen some seriously messed up Role Playing and nothing turns a fun game into I don’t want to play again for people faster than Sex in the game.

First off the game has an audience, sure you are part of the audience regardless of wether you are a Referee or a Player, but their are other folks watching too in most instances. Examples of people present at homes, kids, parents, other friends, and significant others. If you play in a public space such as a game store, library, school or park again kids, parents, teachers, significant others, friends and various strangers. You should all (Players and DM) be cognizant of the fact that your Role Playing and behavior will influence what others think about the whole Role Playing Community and the games you enjoy playing. In other words don’t get your play group or game system banned because the audience is appalled and shocked.

So let’s discuss creepy sexuality in game. Just do not do it. Sure maybe your whole play group is adult but even adults can be weirded out. Here are a few examples.

Do not have weird creepy PC/NPC sex because you are in a relationship with a player or the referee. It’s too much information for everyone at the table. We do not want to be part of your verbal kink, sexual fantasies or porn show. Generally everyone else forced to sit through this rather self indulgent vulgar display is made uncomfortable and bored. This applies to players with PCs in the game too, no one wants to know PC X is doing it with PC G in detail. To make the game revolve around detailed sexually explicit material will quickly result in people finding other things to do on game night. I have been personally taken aside by other players and asked to DM instead of the guy who was because of him using S&M explicit sexual details in a game. I know of other Referees that all have been players in games or DMing other games asked to take over games or take in refuge adult players who were beyond creeped out because of what went down with adult explicit Role Playing being encouraged by a Referee. Some story lines are not just edgy but nothing no one wants to play ever. Players can and will vote with their feet.

Now I am not saying you can’t have romance, love story aspects, or even bad things happen in the game what I am saying is the audience does not need detail and it should be appropriate subjects or discussed in away everyone who is an adult at the table understands what has happened but kids in the background don’t get it. If you think it is impossible to verbally hint for example that an NPC female was violated by another NPC and the party is being hired by her NPC brother to hunt down the wrong doer then do not use that as part of the story line. Example of a hint would be Sister Mei of the Golden Lotus Sect’s brother Li Xian has hired the party to hunt down the Lord Fan Gong and bring him his head. Sister Mei was not a Sister till just very recently... see no actual use of the words “rape” or  “violation” but adult players should be able to get it... if they are still dense and can’t figure out why the brother feels this will be justice for his wronged sister, then have the brother discuss how a flower wilts once plucked and it’s beauty and innocence is no longer. Go for tasteful, like in old movies, implied actions by characters can be verbalized, pretend you are the censors on a TV or movie set and the director trying to balance telling the story without turning on the jazz music and going there. Start watching old films before every movie and tv show had to stop the action for a see all sex nudity scene because it’s the formula now, old films are very helpful to get ideas on how to handle edgy sexual subjects without slowing the game down and disturbing all the players and bystanders.

What do you do if the players keep trying to turn the game into their personal weird porn fantasy show? One tell the player no! If you as the Game Master are uncomfortable I guarantee you all the other players are! If your a player tell the Dungeon Master you are not happy with the direction the game keeps going because of player X. No is a good word to use and an appropriate word to use with players crossing into pervert-ville. It is healthier for the playgroup to loose a pervy player than try and keep them, so do not fear saying no way. A player who keeps violating the keep it tasteful rule needs to be told they are no longer welcome if their behavior does not change.

Do not assume or allow successful Charisma or Seduction checks to equal sex. I have no idea why everyone thinks successful use of Charisma means the NPC wants to have sex with the PC. Reality check time, no one on a first time chance meeting wants to do this in real life even if on first meeting someone they think gee what a swell and good looking guy or gal. We maybe in a fantasy setting but they are often feudal societies and those societies have rules including how genders interact... have the NPCs stay within the lines were sex is concerned... unless they are the bad guys raping and pillaging the countryside and the PCs are suppose to hunt down and bring them to justice... you can list off their crimes on the warrant issued by the Kingdom, but do not Role Play out sexual crimes. If you are going to have PCs seducing everything in the known world please keep details limited, honestly in my experience the rest of the players do not want to spend an hour listen to a player detailing Sir Robert’s newest conquest. 

Finally if you want to give strong hints without saying No here is how to do it... Player X starts describing their sex with NPC Y... have NPC Y metamorphosis into a monster and kill Player X’s PC..., two PCs go away from the group in the woods to roll dice rolls that equal taking off their clothes and insist on sharing this information... they get murdered by crazy mass murder guy, occultists, monsters, whatever... this cliche happens all the time in the first 5 minutes of horror films! This killing of the the people making out in horror films is why horror films are also called morality plays. Be brutal kill, dismember away. Players will get the hint super fast.

So to recap.

Dungeon Masters and Players need to self censor, remember your audience. Keep it Tasteful.

It’s okay to set boundaries and tell a player No.

It’s okay to tell the Referee or another Game Master you as a player are uncomfortable.

Successful seduction, charisma checks should never equal sex. Let the NPCs have some self respect.

Players who have their PC wander away from the group to regale the audience with detailed descriptions of their porn fantasies will have their PC killed most horrifically and latter get a strong talking to by the Game Master.

Game Master’s it is better to loose one creepy player than keep the perv but loose all your other players. Kicking a person out of the group for the good of play group is okay!

Players and Referees do not bring your sexual real life relationship out for show in tell HBO Real Sex episode in the game!

Do not become known as the Creepy Weirdo Pervert Game Master, players have feet and are not afraid to run away from your table and you may find no public game store wants you Refereeing.

I want to make it absolutely clear this is not about adults being too conservative or being sexual repressed, it’s about adults showing self control, good manners and maturity. It’s about keeping the plot moving for everyone and not twisting it to selfishly revolve around one or two people’s kink in a play group... which is both boring and disturbing for everyone else. No RPG play group should need a “safe word” ever. It’s about creating a friendly, safe game  play environment and encouraging all age groups to learn and play RPGs. 

Have Fun Gaming but Remember Your Audience! TMI is real.